
There’s this song by Train called “Marry Me” that’s been playing a lot on the radio lately. The first few times I heard it, I thought it was just your typical mushy love song, so I’d change the station before listening to the whole thing. But one time I was in a particularly sappy mood and listened to it all the way through.
If you listen, you’ll catch the line “Marry me, if I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe.”
Dude wrote a whole song about this girl, and he hasn’t even gotten up the courage to say the first word to her. I thought that was pretty pathetic. And then I remembered about this time I did something eerily similar.
Two years ago, I was sitting in this very Starbucks staring at a blank piece of paper. I couldn’t help but notice this one girl, and before I knew it, I’d written her a letter.
I wouldn’t say it was a love letter really, but a letter nonetheless. I wrote all about how I wished I could come up with an excuse to talk to her, but how she’d probably just think I was creepy & wish I’d disappear. And normally, I’d file that piece of paper away in my bag so I could throw it away without anyone ever seeing it and that would be the end of the story.
But it wasn’t.
Several months later, on a road-trip to Nashville with a few new friends, it hit me that I was sitting beside that very girl from the Starbucks. We’d been hanging out for a few weeks and I didn’t even know it was her.
As it turns out, the idea of her was much more exciting than the actual her, and things didn’t work out between the two of us. But it was like God was showing me that things don’t always end up exactly how we dream they should. And that’s ok.
Seven years ago, I promised myself that by the time I turned 28, I would either have a family or I’d try to sail around the world. Seven years ago, I would have put most of my money on the having a family part.
But as the years have gone by, I’ve begun to realize how undateable I became after my first sailing trip. For a while, I’d tell girls I’d just met about how there were whole families with kids who lived on sailboats instead of in houses with yards and fences and stuff. How they spent all their time together sailing around visiting foreign countries, learning about other cultures, meeting other vagabonds.
Then I realized that all the girls heard was about how these crazy nomad people live in boats smaller than their kitchen back home in places that don’t speak English & how I thought all of this was exciting and charming but they thought it was the stupidest thing anyone could ever do ever.
So I stopped talking to girls about that stuff and I had a few chances at long term relationships. I was even headed towards engagement and marriage and forever with a girl, but in the end, I just felt like I was pushing her farther from her goals and dreams and she was pulling me away from mine. I understand the whole compromise thing, but I don’t necessarily think that both of you giving up all your hopes and dreams is how love is supposed to work.
I highly envy many of the relationships and marriages around me (my parents’ most of all), and certainly hope to someday experience that. However, I don’t plan on sitting around forever waiting for someone with similar dreams to show up so I can begin enjoying mine.
So tonight I’ll spend another February 14th here at Starbucks, working on ways to earn enough money to sail around the world.
And I’m perfectly fine with that.
Such a great post — I think a lot of people like to chart out their lives like it’s a road trip with built-in pit stops and certain places to be by certain times. I’ve spent most of my life trying to cross mile markers before I’m even at them, especially in the dating and marriage world. It’s tough to be in a college town, surrounded by kids who are rushing down aisles and tossing bouquets left and right, but it’s important to keep the blinders on to those things and stay focused on the track ahead of you and not others’ tracks. If God set up the same plan for everyone, what would be the point in us even having desires and dreams if we were all destined to live the same lives? How insanely boring would that be?
Anyway, this is all to say I know just how you feel and I loved hearing that guys do those silly little romantic things that girls do. Happy Valentine’s Day, Bo!
So true about being in a college town. Thanks Shanna! Happy Valentine’s Day to you, too
I’d totally spend my life sailing around on a boat raising a family and speaking other languages! Sounds amazing to me!! Too bad we’re not destined
Oh Morgan, how I miss you so. When are you coming to visit?
I know a very cool and wonderful married couple that have been working on a boat for the past few years. They are literally salt of the earth people and I can’t imagine them marrying anyone else. I wouldn’t worry about women not being able to handle the boat life – if you need to change your dream in order to get the girl … well she’s not really the right one
My thoughts exactly. I met a couple a few weeks ago who got married when they were 18 and then spent 10 years building their own boat. Craziness.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Bo, Kelly Haywood. Kelly Haywood said: <3 this! RT @sailingbo: Here it is…let me know what you think! New Post: Songs, letters & how it’s ok… — SailingBo http://t.co/UpmNf9B [...]
I have a very sweet wife who you can take with you on your trip;)
Good one Bo.
Came across you as I went to a “Valentine’s” thread on 20sb. I went there initially just to (belatedly) promote myself. So glad I clicked your link. I’ve never sailed around the world, but your words about talking to girls about that kind of thing struck a chord. I once had a moment when I realized I used my past travel experiences to make myself seem interesting to girls- it was my go-to. Then I realized that, while it did always catch girls’ attentions more than many other things I could tell them, there was only so much most wanted to hear before they just say “Oh, I learned something. Goodbye.” Traveling makes us awesome on the inside, but that doesn’t mean it’s as relevant to people we just met as it is to ourselves. I guess that’s how I try to see it.
I like how you said it- that you can’t wait for someone else in order to follow your dreams. It’s good to leave room for them, which I think I can forget to do… but not so much room that it compromises you.
Bo this is a great post. I assure you that there are girls out there who would love to live that kind of lifestyle. I think it would be such a great experience to live on a boat and sail around the world with my family.
Keep your head up kid, it’ll happen!
I know this is from a while ago but just want to let you know how much I enjoyed this post
I am SO on board with you on this. I’m 27 so, like you, my younger self expected me to be married at this age.
I love the direction my life took as a result of not being tied down at this age. It’s what allowed me to and move to Australia for a year. I never would have done such a thing had I been in a relationship OR when I was younger. I had a “I need to do this while I’m single” mentality about the whole adventure and that’s what pushed me to do it.
The life you described sounds perfect to me as well as plenty of other girls. However, we aren’t the types of girls hanging around in Starbucks
You’re looking in the wrong places!
I just got a chance to read this today, and I have to say that it inspired me and made me sad at the same time. Sad, because I know what an amazing husband you will make for a lucky girl one day (if God wills it). It inspired me because I see you in pursuit of your dreams…and you will probably be thankful one day that you did all this before “settling down.” Happy (very) belated Valentine’s Day to you, my friend! Keep up the writing (which, I must say gets better every time I read one of your posts).
[...] is overrated and how you shouldn’t be afraid to live an interesting life on purpose.Songs, letters & how it’s ok when things don’t turn out like you think they will.Steps towards a dream.A new year, new challenges & how not to run from a fight.My view from the [...]